What Is Unmasking—and Why Is It So Important?
Most of us “mask” in some way. You might speak more formally to your boss than to your best friend. You may share certain parts of yourself with family that you’d never share with a stranger. These shifts in how we present ourselves are a normal part of moving through different roles and relationships.
But masking becomes more complex—and sometimes harmful—when it’s not just about manners or social context, but about suppressing core parts of who you are in order to fit in, stay safe, or avoid judgment.
Masking and Neurodivergence
For neurodivergent people—those whose brains process the world in ways that differ from the neurotypical majority—masking often goes far beyond everyday social adjustments.
Masking might include:
Forcing eye contact even if it feels uncomfortable
Mimicking speech patterns or facial expressions to “blend in”
Suppressing stimming behaviors (like fidgeting, rocking, or tapping)
Carefully scripting conversations ahead of time
Hiding sensory discomfort or overwhelm
These strategies are often learned out of necessity, because the world is set up with neurotypical expectations in mind. In other words: masking can be a survival skill.
The Problem with Living Behind the Mask
While masking can sometimes help someone navigate unsafe or high-stakes environments, long-term masking can be exhausting. If you’re constantly monitoring your words, tone, gestures, and reactions, it can be hard to know where the performance ends and you begin.
Some signs masking may be taking a toll include:
Feeling emotionally drained after social interactions
Struggling to identify your own preferences and needs
Experiencing anxiety or burnout from constant self-monitoring
Feeling disconnected from your authentic self
Over time, this can lead to a painful question: Who am I when I’m not performing?
What Does Unmasking Mean?
Unmasking is the process of gradually letting go of those learned, protective behaviors and showing up more authentically. It’s not about abandoning boundaries or forgetting social awareness—it’s about creating spaces (and relationships) where you feel safe enough to drop the constant editing and just be.
Unmasking can look like:
Letting yourself stim in public without shame
Speaking honestly about your sensory needs
Allowing your natural communication style to come through
Saying “no” without overexplaining or apologizing
Spending time with people who affirm and accept you fully
Unmasking Takes Safety and Support
It’s important to note: unmasking isn’t always possible or safe in every environment. You may still need to mask in certain situations for your well-being. That’s why therapy, supportive friendships, and neurodivergent-affirming spaces can be so powerful—they give you room to explore who you are underneath the mask, without fear of judgment.
At AIM Counseling WA, we help neurodivergent clients connect with their authentic selves, develop tools for navigating the world on their own terms, and find the balance between self-protection and self-expression. Unmasking is a journey—and you don’t have to take it alone. Reach out for a free consultation today!
